Saturday, 11 February 2012

Kids, don't do drugs, stay in school, and don't be Luis Suarez

As Patrice Evra extended his hand to Luis Suarez, it seemed like everything was going to be alright. The ugly racism scandal which had enveloped Manchester United and Liverpool was finally being put to bed. Evra, the alleged wronged party, the alleged victim, was going to be the bigger man and shake his alleged (I'm getting sick and tired of using the word "alleged" sixty times in every article, can't we just condemn people as arseholes like the good old days?) tormentor by the hand. Finally, football could make the headlines again.

However, the dentally perfect Suarez decided to stick his teeth into the matter further and ignored the United captain. As a result, this post will essentially be an eloquent, wordy, occasionally witty, incredibly biased assault on Luis Suarez and Liverpool. Although grateful for this opportunity, I have to ask: Why Luis why?

Because you're a tit, that's why.

Anyway, what was meant to be the main event - a football match - soon followed. United seemed to stutter out of the blocks, appearing over-awed by the occasion as Liverpool had the better of the opening exchanges. However, United, perhaps buoyed by the sight of Stewart Downing, Jay Spearing and Jordan Henderson, soon began to dictate the game. That said, it was a pretty ordinary first half, as off-field matters continued to engulf over the action on the pitch. I must say at this point that as much as we (I) love football being the winner, an ugly part in us (me) still likes the scandal, it gives us (me) something to moan about and  gives everyone (me) a chance to qualify their (my) ridiculously poorly formed opinions. I digress, the first half was pretty uneventful and as I have a lot of waffle to get through, I will press on.

The last incident of note (I say last, I mean second) occurred when Suarez was tackled by Rio Ferdinand as he raced towards goal. Suarez, never one to complain, defied his usually calm, fair nature and berated the referee, demanding that Ferdinand should be punished for such a brutal assault on the football. After not getting his way, Suarez smashed the ball into the crowd as the first half drew to a close. Liverpool have since said that Suarez slipped and accidentally fell into the ball, and that any opinion to the contrary is nonsense and that anyone who says that Suarez purposely kicked the ball into the crowd should be booed.

We'll continue with Liverpool's version of events as Suarez, perhaps carried by the momentum of his slip, flew towards the tunnel and into a number of United players. Perhaps the disorientation of his slip caused him to ignore Evra's further attempt at reconciliation. If that isn't true, then Evra probably placed the tunnel there just to get Suarez in to trouble. In fact, Liverpool have since claimed that Evra is not black and that Liverpool won today's game.

The second half started in a blaze of mediocrity. Moments into the second half, a United corner was flicked on by the usually reliable Henderson into the path of Wayne Rooney, who smashed the ball into the net to send United into a deserved lead. If that was a surprise, what followed had everyone watching stunned in disbelief as the cultured Spearing, usually a fine passer of a football, presented the ball to Antonio Valencia, who squared the ball for Rooney to double United's lead. Old Trafford roared, Suarez prepared for the next calculated attempt on his own reputation and Liverpool were up against it.

Despite playing incredibly poorly, Liverpool found a way back into the game with just ten minutes to go when a Charlie Adam free-kick was diverted off Rio Ferdinand and into the path of Suarez to pull a goal back. The act was symbolic of how Suarez is now viewed by many football fans "ahhh you did well, but it's not going to change anything, you're still a douchebag." Liverpool were unable to force their way to a thoroughly undeserved equaliser as United held on to take what will probably be only temporary leadership of the Premier League. At the full-time whistle, Evra celebrated wildly in close proximity to Suarez, an act which Liverpool have since condemned as both unsporting and racist against South Americans (not true...yet).

OK, not my most neutral blog, but I really feel today showed how football has a funny way of punishing the bad guys. United manager Sir Alex Ferguson claimed afterwards that Suarez should be dispensed with, while his counterpart Just Kenny Dalglish claimed that anyone claiming Suarez had been unsporting was out of order. 

Hang on what?!

Yes, Dalglish claimed that just because Suarez is allegedly a racist and did not shake the hand of his alleged (grrr, alleged) victim, despite being a tosser with bad teeth and a worse attitude, he should not be accused of what he has been found guilty of by an INDEPENDENT tribunal. Still, don't let the truth get in the way of blind prejudice (ooh can I use that word?!).

Despite his heroics in guiding Liverpool to seventh this season, Dalglish has got this whole situation all wrong. All sarcasm aside, today's events place Liverpool in great danger of being labelled as a small club with a major inferiority complex, whilst displaying Gaddafi-esque loyalty to a lost cause. The sooner they move on and let bygones be bygones, the sooner they will recover the affection many neutrals have lost for them over the last few months.

To finish, let's just say that when a team including Wayne Rooney and Ryan Giggs can take the moral high ground, you have problems. Even more worrying, if you are in a team with Craig Bellamy and Andy Carroll and you are the one people dislike, you have a disaster.

Still, the game wasn't bad.

No comments:

Post a Comment