Sorry for swearing in the title, but I thought it'd grab your attention.
Yes, tonight was the first time I have ever supported a team playing in the Europa League. It was a strange feeling changing to Channel Five, as it is a channel I rarely view unless I want to watch the heartbreaking stories of babies with two heads or people weighing either very much or very little. But was it worth it? You bet it kinda was!
I'm going to have to scrub up on the Europa League theme music which - although not as catchy as the Champions League theme - has a happy, almost triumphant (how fitting) ring to it which suggests that everyone involved in the competition is going to have a jolly good time. And so did I.
I watched both Manchester clubs play two teams with - sarcasm aside - great European pedigree. After United faced up to Ajax, I watched (for the first-half, then Mum said I had to hoover) City play Porto - the holders of the competition. After tricky, nervy first-halves, both British sides won through after mastering the art of "the Europa League goal", where teams aim to score as scrappy a goal as possible. Despite that, the quality of entertainment was shown by the variety of choice on TV. If Ajax vs. United didn't satisfy me - and it did - I had Legia Warsaw vs. Sporting Lisbon on ITV4 to keep me interested. Wow! By the way, Emiliano Insua (remember him?!) plays for Sporting Lisbon. I know, me neither. That game was a real cracker, first it looked like Legia Warsaw would win, but then they didn’t. Only in this competition ey?!
And then there's the coverage! On Channel Five, I had the dulcet tones of Jim Rosenthal - the King of building up something he clearly doesn't give a shit about - and Stan Collymore, that pinnacle of footballing ability and professionalism. For forty-five of our finest British minutes, all 713 viewers were given a treat as the build-up reached the tensest of crescendos before we were guided into the trusty hands of Dave Woods and former England manager Graham Taylor. And then the match began.
And then the match finished.
I know I'm a Man United fan, but I'll be honest now, I can't remember much of that game. I was simply dazzled by the plethora of stars on display; Fabio, Carrick, Eriksen. Fielding a number of players recently back from injury, it took United a while to hit their stride, but when they did, Ajax struggled to get any meaningful possession and eventually United had too much for their hosts, who’s best show of creativity came from their half-time version of Kings of Leon’s “Sex on Fire”, where the PA belted out “woaaaaaah, Ajax is on fiiiiire”. But in the second-half, United urinated all over those flames, leaving Ajax looking like the many people who have a chastening night in Amsterdam; "toasted" and covered in piss.
For all the banter United fans received in the wake of their elimination from the Champions’ League group-stages, many of the boasters have now realised that the teams they themselves follow are also terrible. Last night was a prime example as Arsenal performed their annual February magic show, where hopes of silverware magically disappear. (This view, like so many of mine, could be made to look ridiculous if Arsenal beat Sunderland in the FA Cup at the weekend, but it's funnier to speculate.) I bet Arsenal fans wish their side were playing on the green (brown), green (brown) grass of Europa League pitches, still in with a chance of pursuing European glory.
The Europa League provides a truly pan-European flavour of football competition, with 15 countries represented amongst the remaining 32 teams, isn't that great?! The best teams from Romania, Ukraine and the Czech Republic are represented in our competition. Would you be treated to the delight of watching SV Salzburg vs. Metalist Kharkiv in the Champions League? I doubt it. Only in this competition could both the final defender and then the goalkeeper be nutmegged for one goal, with four players on the line being beaten by another.
But do you want to know why the Europa League is better than the Champions League? Yes you do. The Europa League simply has a better quality of sponsor. The Champions League is sponsored by Heineken, some unknown Dutch beer company. Who on earth is thinking about beer when there is football on? Except for Paul Gascoigne and the Scottish, no-one. How beer even goes with watching football is beyond me, surely you want to be stone-cold sober when your team are in action so that, like me, you miss nothing.
As for the Europa League, they are sponsored by Seat. Ahhh yes, because you are often on a "seat" when watching football. That to me is smart thinking, and I would rather my team played in a competition where the organisers are bloody well switched on. But what really tipped the balance for me was the adverts. Last night, as Arsenal were taken apart, we had boring adverts about well-known soft drinks, upcoming movies or DFS. Tonight we had some advert where people in suits kept falling into hay-bails. BRILLIANT!
So there you have it, the Europa League, despite being played between teams of lower quality with barely known players, remains superior to the Champions League. Ever heard of the phrase "save the best for last"?! If that doesn't prove me right, not much will.
While you lot are supporting your Champions League teams on a Tuesday and Wednesday, you have yourselves a free Thursday night. You know what that means don’t you? While I’m relaxing and watching the football, ready for my next Europa League fix, you’re going to end up at TigerTiger.
And that is a pretty sobering thought.
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